Things had come to this unexpected point too quickly. Unexpected because
Nastasia Philipovna, on her way to Pavlofsk, had thought and considered a good
deal, and had expected something different, though perhaps not altogether good,
from this interview; but Aglaya had been carried away by her own outburst, just
as a rolling stone gathers impetus as it careers downhill, and could not
restrain herself in the satisfaction of revenge.
It was strange, Nastasia Philipovna felt, to see Aglaya like this. She gazed
at her, and could hardly believe her eyes and ears for a moment or two.
Whether she were a woman who had read too many poems, as Evgenie Pavlovitch
supposed, or whether she were mad, as the prince had assured Aglaya, at all
events, this was a woman who, in spite of her occasionally cynical and audacious
manner, was far more refined and trustful and sensitive than appeared. There was
a certain amount of romantic dreaminess and caprice in her, but with the
fantastic was mingled much that was strong and deep.
"If you wished to preserve your good name, why did you not give up your--your
'guardian,' Totski, without all that theatrical posturing?" said Aglaya,
suddenly a propos of nothing.
"What do you know of my position, that you dare to judge me?" cried Nastasia,
quivering with rage, and growing terribly white.
"I know this much, that you did not go out to honest work, but went away with
a rich man, Rogojin, in order to pose as a fallen angel. I don't wonder that
Totski was nearly driven to suicide by such a fallen angel."
"Silence!" cried Nastasia Philipovna. "You are about as fit to understand me
as the housemaid here, who bore witness against her lover in court the other
day. She would understand me better than you do."
"There, look at her," cried Nastasia, trembling with passion. "Look at this
young lady! And I imagined her an angel! Did you come to me without your
governess, Aglaya Ivanovna? Oh, fie, now shall I just tell you why you came here
today? Shall I tell you without any embellishments? You came because you were
afraid of me!"
"Afraid of YOU?" asked Aglaya, beside herself with naive amazement that the
other should dare talk to her like this.
"Yes, me, of course! Of course you were afraid of me, or you would not have
decided to come. You cannot despise one you fear. And to think that I have
actually esteemed you up to this very moment! Do you know why you are afraid of
me, and what is your object now? You wished to satisfy yourself with your own
eyes as to which he loves best, myself or you, because you are fearfully
jealous."
"Perhaps, perhaps! I am not worthy of him, I know. But I think you are lying,
all the same. He cannot hate me, and he cannot have said so. I am ready to
forgive you, in consideration of your position; but I confess I thought better
of you. I thought you were wiser, and more beautiful, too; I did, indeed! Well,
take your treasure! See, he is gazing at you, he can't recollect himself. Take
him, but on one condition; go away at once, this instant!"
She fell back into a chair, and burst into tears. But suddenly some new
expression blazed in her eyes. She stared fixedly at Aglaya, and rose from her
seat.
"Or would you like me to bid him, BID HIM, do you hear, COMMAND HIM, now, at
once, to throw you up, and remain mine for ever? Shall I? He will stay, and he
will marry me too, and you shall trot home all alone. Shall I?--shall I say the
word?" she screamed like a madwoman, scarcely believing herself that she could
really pronounce such wild words.
Aglaya had made for the door in terror, but she stopped at the threshold, and
listened. "Shall I turn Rogojin off? Ha! ha! you thought I would marry him for
your benefit, did you? Why, I'll call out NOW, if you like, in your presence,
'Rogojin, get out!' and say to the prince, 'Do you remember what you promised
me?' Heavens! what a fool I have been to humiliate myself before them! Why,
prince, you yourself gave me your word that you would marry me whatever
happened, and would never abandon me. You said you loved me and would forgive me
all, and--and resp--yes, you even said that! I only ran away from you in order
to set you free, and now I don't care to let you go again. Why does she treat me
so-- so shamefully? I am not a loose woman--ask Rogojin there! He'll tell you.
Will you go again now that she has insulted me, before your eyes, too; turn away
from me and lead her away, arm-in-arm? May you be accursed too, for you were the
only one I trusted among them all! Go away, Rogojin, I don't want you," she
continued, blind with fury, and forcing the words out with dry lips and
distorted features, evidently not believing a single word of her own tirade,
but, at the same time, doing her utmost to prolong the moment of
self-deception.
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